We danced around naked

We danced around naked last night. We pranced and flung and weaved and hung. It was liberating being naked, although I have a side of me that hates my body, its the uncontrollable emotional side, but the rational side of me hates body hatred. And so last night felt like a celebration of that (better?) side of me. The side that see through the illogic of pain and tells Hannah with the utmost conviction that the acne scars on her back make her more beautiful. I wanted to touch them. Blemishes are beautiful. Why the fuck should she feel that her scars are anything else but that? I don't even like the word blemishes. Why is this mentality imposed upon us?! That there is a bdoy ideal and anything away from it is negative and not acceptable and something to feel ashamed and embarrassed of and something about yourself to hate.
I feel such a tumultuous inner paradox over this... I feel so strongly that the way we look shouldn't matter yet I judge myself so harshly on how I look, I let other judge me on how I look, and I love beauty. The aesthetics of it. I love to stare and beautiful women with the most organically sensuous faces that make you think how has genetics just happened to mix in such a way that such a wonderful image can be created by the organisation and juxtaposition of someones features. And a good looking man can flare up a desire inside me that I know is shallow, insignificant temporally and emotionally and vacuous... but it is still a desire and I quite like the fact that merely a physical presence can do that... in the same way that I appreciate the "reader response" of other art forms (calling humanity an art form here some how, the art of the random, of evolution, the art of chance and coincidence, the art without an artist)... the profund effect that something, a piece of art, can have on whoever is looking at it. For example looking at this Van Gogh painting just evokes in me a sense of foreboding and dread and uneasiness and a heavy heart. His creation creates a new emotional creation within me.